Sounding Menacing is Easier than I Thought...

Have you ever noticed that anything said with “official” terminology (such as Latin) sounds so much more menacing than when said in “street” language. Consider if you will the following scenario:

Man: Hello.

Me: Hello. *Stretches out hand*. I wish to palpate your metacarpals!

Following this rather short exchange, the man immediately heads for the hills and joins a support group.

“I have allergies” becomes “I have an acute inflammation of my sinuses that results in extreme discomfort and unwanted nasal irrigation.”

“Divide” translates to “Multiply by the reciprocal of the coefficient of the variable.”

“Send a text message” is “Utilize a numeral directory to stream a data packet transmitted through a cellular device across a steady bandwidth.”

Point made.

A Touch of Technological Nostalgia

Remember the good old days when RAM (Random Access Memory) was RAM? When 16 color monitors were OUT OF THIS WORLD? When a megabyte of hard drive space was downright extravagant? When MS-DOS was cool? Now, typing upon my BobBook Pro, connected to the wireless internet at Sunbucks, running on a BATTERY, I realize exactly how much computers, and technology in general, has changed even in my rather short lifetime.

I still remember the good old days of cassette tapes. When you were done listening, you merely popped out the tape and casually tossed on your desk. Then they stopped selling cassette players. Floppy disks were not immune either. For years after their demise, thanks to CDs (and later on digital files), I held onto my collection of floppies. Of course, when I upgraded my 2003 desktop to a floppy-drive-free laptop, that practice was soon eschewed.

I suppose that it could be that I am just feeling a touch nostalgic, and that all changes within the last seventeen years were actually a rather large improvement. Moving televisions certainly became a lot easier.

Changing of the Guard

So, one day I have emerged from my room to grab a rather small lunch. My mom comes up to me and tells me to “have your computer disassembled and out of your room by this evening.” Before I continue I should explain something. Just a few weeks ago, a friend set me up with a very nice laptop, let’s call it a Bobbook. Of course, I was still in possession of my old computer, an ’03 XP with minimal RAM and VERY average processing power (which was why I needed the new computer to begin with). It used to take up almost all of my rather large desk, which in turn takes up almost all of my rather minimal floor space. So believe me when I tell you, dear reader, that the breaking down of my old computer was not a task to be undertaken lightly. The area between my desk and the wall resembled the root system of a rather large tree.

When I finally exported my old computer to a different room of the house, I suddenly remembered exactly WHY I have sworn never to get another CRT monitor. (For those of you have no idea what I’m referring to, CRT stands for “Cathode Ray Tube,” which is the old non-flat screen monitors that used to be standard. Lifting one of those is like lifting a small television. In other words, those things are heavy, dude!). Anyway, no sooner had I gotten the old computer out and the new one settled in than the vultures started gathering.

My dad: “Ooh! A DVD writer drive! I sure could use me a new one of those!”

Now, as I type this upon my silver Bobbook, I gaze over the vast expanse of desk now available. Speakers, pictures, and various little desk toys are the sole inhabitants of this barren wasteland. Kinda gives me the willies, having so much space available…

Roller Coaster Junkie

Well, just a few days ago, I visited Six Signs amusement park for the first time in my life. Well, actually, it is the only roller coaster oriented park that I have ever been to. I think that you can probably guess from my life description of “geek” that I am somewhat xenophobic, or possessed of an irrational fear of large groups of people that I do not know. I also happen to be rather fearful of heights. I tooled around with my friends for a while, and then split off to eat lunch. By that time, I had worked up my nerve enough to board the lime and purple monstrosity that is the park’s most memorable landmark. Well, before I knew it, I was riding every coaster in the park, yelling like an utter fool. Oddly enough, I never once felt the least bit inclined to hork up the rather copious lunch that I had eaten but a small time before.

Before long, the group loosened up and began to split off in twos. I found myself hanging around with my good friend Jenga. I soon discovered that it rather disconcerts the other guests, however, when I actually ride the rides WITH my good friend Jenga. Picture a row of seats that accommodates up to four. Now picture my good friend Jenga and I sitting in the edge seats, where the view is the best, with two unwary passengers sitting between. Now imagine the whole contraption hurtling along at great speed, looping loops and dropping and twisting and…well, you get the idea. Now, plaster bizarre smiles all over our faces in the midst of the other passenger’s deafening screams. Now picture the two of us laughing our heads off and giggling VERY creepily.

So, the moral of this story is: Fear of strangers, fear of heights, plus roller coasters, equals brand-new roller coaster junkie. Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.

......But It's So FUN!!!!

I have finally gone around the deep end, as far as “my generation” is concerned. After typing some rather snarky little comments on a social networking site that were greatly amusing to my sleep-deprived geeky mind, I suddenly had something of an epiphany. I love homework.

I suppose that I should have seen it coming. After all, since this school year of 2010 started, I have been taking a bizarre sort of pleasure in completing my pre-calculus homework. “No,” I told myself, “Surely this is some sort of bizarre coincidence! Surely I haven’t removed myself so far from the “normality” of “my generation” that I actually LIKE doing pre-calculus!” Unfortunately, that was only the beginning……

I was up late, completing some essays for English, when I suddenly realized that I did not want to stop. Yes, that’s right, I wanted MORE! I wanted to type and type and type until the stupid chickens next door started crowing and the sun came up and I was shivering from the cold and lack of sleep, with tousled hair and blood-shot EYES! But of course, It was already about two or three o’clock in the morning, and I hadn’t had that much sleep in the past week. So instead I passed out on my floor and slept for a few hours. But wait! THERE’S MORE!!!!

I was, once again, up late at night (or early in the morning, if you prefer), when I got an overwhelming urge to read my chemistry book. So I read seventy-seven pages. I learned all about Democritus and John Dalton, cathodes, anodes, the law of equal proportions, the law of multiple proportions, the 110 discovered elements on the periodic table, the lack of mass in light and gamma rays, quantum energy levels, etc. IT WAS FUN!!!

Next thing you know, I’ll be reading ALL my textbooks for fun. BUT WAIT! I already do that!

The Height of Obscurity

Acronyms. Random hieroglyphics. Strange patterns of letters that can’t possibly mean anything, yet do.
Call ‘em what you like, but a true geek just LOVES (with a capital “L” and that rhymes with “spell” and that stands for “spellcheck!”) to use initials for anything and everything.

Consider if you would, the following phrase:
“Yup, I was sitting in my chair in front of my XP, thinking about which CPU internalized process I needed to defrag my BUS with, when all of the sudden, my AMD x2 processor, operating at full GHz capacity, decided to trash my SBC! Working hard, I was finally able to pinpoint the problem on my RAM, which is a relief because I’d rather that my HDD wasn’t corrupted. Of course, I was able to download the problem in question to my D drive, after extensive quarantine programming in MMF2 using MOOSOCK utilities, but I was able to save my STX and WMM files, and that’s all that matters. Unfortunately, all I had to write to was a CDRW!

Yes, dear reader, I do believe that phrase speaks for itself!

In fact, this discussion of acronyms ties in rather well with another topic: the geek’s usage of obscure and complicated phrases.
In algebra math, while everyone else uses such mundane phrases such as “Divide by that number by the x,” does the geek give in to this blatant normality? NO! He does not bow! He does not break! He uses the rather more obscure but entirely more descriptive phrase “Multiply by the reciprocal of the coefficient of the variable!”
When asked to help with computer antispyware efforts, does the geek say, “Delete your tracking programs?” NO! He does not! He says, “Run an IP disc cleanup program to identify and erase any subversive cookies found on your hard drive!”
When asked, “What is the best way to kill a zombie?” does he say, “Bash it in the head?”
NO!
HE!
DOES!
NOT!

Instead, he might say, “Effect massive cranial damage with blunt force trauma in such a way as to incapacitate the central nervous system!”

Point made.

Graduated Hardship

Once again, I signed on to shoot and edit my school’s 8th and 12th grade graduation, and produce a DVD of acceptable quality. To accomplish this fabulous feat of filming required the borrowing of numerous pieces of equipment from the school, including a laptop, since nothing I own has sufficient power or software. But before I continue, I should speak more about the school laptops, that you may understand just a few of the things I faced.
The brand is Fujitsu, the RAM is decent, and the memory acceptable. Sounds like a good deal? The casual observer might assume so, but would reckon without the CP. Computer Personality. As in, these laptops each have their own personalities, for better or worse. Okay, maybe just for worse. Take, for example, Laptop 15. Once upon a time, 15 was a good little laptop. It had its problems, but all in all, it was safe. And then it died. Literally. Then there is another laptop who, if it doesn’t take an immediate liking to the user, will actually scream at the person using it. Through the speakers. The laptop I used simply had most of its screws missing, so if you picked it up wrong, the bottom was in danger of falling out….
Anyway

I had just finished both parts of the DVD when I discover that somewhere in the second part there was a problem. And I don’t just mean ANY problem. I mean a PROBLEM. The file writing process worked okay, until a certain spot about one-third the way in. Then it would crash. The entire program, along with the file it was writing. Keep in mind that it takes each video file roughly 2 hours to write. Eventually I got so fed up with the entire process that I sat for two solid days in front of this ornery little laptop hunting down this one error as tenaciously as a tube sock clings to a large foot.
Eventually I discovered the PROBLEM’s root: a split-to-two-second clip of film that the program simply didn’t like. It took me another day to root it out entirely, and another day to fix a PROBLEM of similar quality. And then ANOTHER day to finally produce a working DVD of acceptable quality. And then another one to re-record the source file because there was a problem with the one burned to the “quality” DVD……