Hello, and welcome to.........101 Fun Things To Do With Hot Metal! Today, we will learn that just because the metal isn't glowing doesn't mean that it can't kill you, or at least seriously maim you.
Most recent case in point: shish kebabs at Pismo Beach, just this last week. There we are, gathered in friendly family fellowship around the flaming firepit. Then, all of the sudden, a joyous cry echoes about the campground: "The shish kebabs are done!" With tears of joy in my eyes, I run over to the waiting plate, almost matching exactly a scene out of the film adaptation of a classic novel, in which two lovers finally reunite in the end in an extensively slow-motion scene of their running across a grassy field to finally meet once again. As I reached for the plate, the screen had already gone black an the credits had started rolling. All this promptly changed as I actually made contact with the metal skewer.
Simply put, it bit me. Hard.
Suddenly, I go from feasting my eyes on this glorious mushroom and onion kebab to hopping and howling like a demented weretoad. For those of you who don't know, the weretoad is a rather small, depressingly clammy creature that howls when stepped upon by the exceedingly rare Australian Nik-Nik bug. The weretoad commonly transforms from a human being who has handled a weretoad in the past. Sprinkling salt upon the weretoad may make it shrivel up and wrinkle like a prune.
Anyway.....
When I had quite finished my impromptu bout of gymnastics, I happened to look (quite naturally) at the bits of my hand that I had burned. I soon discovered that I had some lines melted into my palm and index finger. Strangest of all, I had a complete circle melted into my thumb. The latter becomes even more ironic when you consider that I am unable to wear rings due to my small fingers and large knuckles, and here I was with one permanently imprinted upon my thumb, much like a rather dull tattoo.
So now we know not to touch the metal directly off of the fire. It bites.
And now, at the end of this exciting episode, I leave you with a little moral to digest.
Are we sitting comfortably? Okay, here it is.
PAIN HURTS!
